Exploring your Loner
The Loner is the self that
values solitude and moving to the beat of its
own drum. This self is often referred to as
"introverted" in nature preferring it's own
company to the company of others. It tends to
be experienced by those around it as quiet,
shy and reserved.
The Loner has a strong need to
be an individual - unaccompanied and
unconstrained. The requirement of family,
friends and coworkers can feel burdensome.
Valuing solitude this self often finds work
and play that can be done alone.
The Loner is motivated by the
need for self-determination, regulation and
reliance. This heart centered self thrives
on self-sufficiency and independence. With
all the time spent in solitude it tends to
have a rich life.
IDENTIFYING A DOMINANT LONER:
If you are over-identified with your
Loner self, you can find yourself removed or
disconnected from society, family and
friends. You can tend to appear like a lone
wolf, hermit or recluse not wanting anyone or
anything to interfere with your life.
RECOGNIZING AN UNTAPPED
LONER:
When your Loner has been disowned or
repressed you may begin to feel fearful at
being alone, avoiding it at any cost. Your
energy and attention tends to be outward
leaving little time for inner reflection.
MAINTAINING BALANCE WITH THE
LONER
To experience and maintain a
healthy connection with this self you need to
acknowledge where it falls on the spectrum
between dominant and untapped. With an
integrated Loner you have the opportunity to
find the appropriate balance between time
with yourself and time with those you feel a
connection to. In the willingness to share
your rich inner world with others you can
create a way to relate without losing
yourself in the process.
POSSIBLE OPPOSITES OF THE LONER TO
EXPLORE:
Every dominant self has a corresponding
opposite that holds possible clues to its
current status. Potential opposites for this
self can be seen in selves such the
Vulnerable Child, the Accommodator and the
Flirt.
DIALOGING WITH YOUR LONER:
- Where does your Loner fall on the spectrum
from dominant to untapped?
- What are the qualities that this self
carries for you?
- When is the earliest memory you have of
your Loner?
- Who are role models that influenced this
self?
- How does this self need or want your
attention by asking for it at this time?
- If your Loner is dominant, who is the
opposite self that needs expression?
